WORLD CLASS DAD JOKES
Every day should start out with a good dad joke!
Submit your own!
| Joke | Likes |
|---|---|
| Tags | Date  |
| If you ever go to Egypt, don’t pee in the river. Their pee nile system is not very forgiving. |   (0) |
| Egypt | 2/15/2025 |
| My kids’ favorite story is about that one time I crossed the river. It was a ferry tale. | (0) |
| Rivers, Stories | 2/15/2025 |
| What do you get when you cross a snail with a porcupine? A slow poke. | (0) |
| Animals, Porcupines, Snails | 2/15/2025 |
| My wife found a rectangular potato at the grocery store. It came with a square root! | (0) |
| Potatoes, Shapes | 2/15/2025 |
| Whenever I fill out a form and it asks who to call in an emergency, I put ambulance. | (0) |
| Ambulance | 2/15/2025 |
| It’s all fun and games until your over-sized shirts start fitting. | (0) |
| Clothes | 2/15/2025 |
| I wish my siblings would stop calling me spoiled. It’s not my fault my parents kept having kids until they found one actually they liked. | (0) |
| Family | 2/15/2025 |
| Buying groceries with no food stamps should boost your credit score. | (0) |
| Credit, Food | 2/15/2025 |
| I’m looking for a microwave that doesn’t beep so loudly that everyone in the house knows I’m eating again. | (0) |
| Food, Microwaves | 2/15/2025 |
| Why does my wife have to text me “Wish you were here” every time she goes to a cemetery? | (0) |
| Relationships | 2/15/2025 |
| Did you know that if you mix coconut oil with your kale, it makes it easier to scrape in the trash? | (0) |
| Cooking | 2/15/2025 |
| What’s the best thing you can bring to a Super Bowl party? A big spoon! | (0) |
| Spoons, Super Bowl | 2/15/2025 |
| Who’s the best artist to play at the Super Bowl halftime show? 50 Cent. After two quarters, it just makes cents. | (0) |
| Singers, Super Bowl | 2/15/2025 |
| Marry someone who understands you like a pharmacist that understands a doctor’s handwriting. | (0) |
| Relationships | 2/15/2025 |
| It’s amazing how much you can accomplish around the house under the threat of somebody coming over. | (0) |
| Cleaning | 2/15/2025 |
| I have good problem-solving skills, but my problem-creating skills are where I really shine! | (0) |
| Problems | 2/15/2025 |
| What do you call a friar who’s obsessed with Ruffles? A chipmunk. | (0) |
| Chips, Friars | 2/15/2025 |
| There was a funeral today for the man who invented the dishwasher. They lowered him down, but his wife had him raised again so she could put him in the right way. | (0) |
| Dishwashers, Relationships | 2/15/2025 |
| Did you hear what happened to the guy that invented a sandal for one-legged people? It was a flop. | (0) |
| Sandals, Shoes | 2/15/2025 |
| I was reading on a travel site about when to visit Hawaii. Apparently, the best time to visit is when you have money. | (0) |
| Money, Vacation | 2/15/2025 |
| I don’t know why I don’t buy more piñatas. Like right now, I’d love to just beat the crap out of something then eat some candy. | (0) |
| Candy, Piñatas | 2/15/2025 |
| What did the shoes say to the pants? What up britches! | (0) |
| Pants | 2/15/2025 |
| Men only have money the first month of dating - that’s recruitment budget. Never confuse it with operational budget. | (0) |
| Money, Relationships | 2/15/2025 |
| My wife just gifted me a bath bomb that looks suspiciously like a toaster. | (0) |
| Baths, Relationships | 2/15/2025 |
| If you’re ever feeling useless, remember that bags of ice have nutrition labels on them. | (0) |
| Ice | 2/15/2025 |
| With the right equipment, I think I could generate a good amount of electricity with how irritated I get sometimes. | (0) |
| Electricity, Stress | 2/15/2025 |
| A mother’s love is unconditional. Her temper is another story. | (0) |
| Children, Moms | 2/15/2025 |
| Did you hear about the two geometry teachers who are dating? They make acute couple. | (0) |
| Geometry, Math | 2/15/2025 |
| Ever wonder why they call it “thrift store shopping” instead of “Goodwill Hunting”? | (0) |
| Movies, Shopping | 2/15/2025 |
| I broke an egg making breakfast this morning. My insurance company said an adjuster will be out tomorrow. | (0) |
| Eggs, Inflation, Insurance | 2/15/2025 |
| We have got to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" Too many people are seeing it as a challenge. | (0) |
| Stupidity | 2/15/2025 |
| Nine months from now, you could be fishing or changing a diaper. Make good decisions on Valentine’s Day. | (0) |
| Relationships, Valentines | 2/15/2025 |
| A genie once granted me one wish, and I wished to be happy. Now I live with six dwarves and work in a mine. | (0) |
| Dwarves, Wishes | 2/15/2025 |
| What if the stars in the sky aren’t really stars at all, but holes poked in the top of the container so we can breathe? | (0) |
| Space, Stars | 2/15/2025 |
| I don’t understand how a generation raised on The Simpsons, South Park, and The Family Guy could be so offended by everything. | (0) |
| Humor, Shows | 2/15/2025 |
| Did you hear about the fish that wanted to be a DJ? As soon as he was on air, he died. | (0) |
| Animals, Fish, Radio | 2/15/2025 |
| Why is the radio scene so bad in Arkansas? Because all they have is a little rock. | (0) |
| Arkansas, Music | 2/15/2025 |
| I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief. | (0) |
| Exercise | 2/15/2025 |
| I met a farmer who is really proud of the milk his cows produced. In fact, he said it’s legend dairy. | (0) |
| Animals, Cows, Farms, Milk | 2/15/2025 |
| They say carrots are good for your eyes, but alcohol will double your vision. | (0) |
| Alcohol, Carrots, Vision | 2/15/2025 |
| I can always tell if someone is lying just by looking at them. I can also tell if they are standing. | (0) |
| Lying, Standing | 2/15/2025 |
| The Amish Powerball is up to 8 dozen eggs. | (0) |
| Amish, Eggs, Lottery | 2/15/2025 |
| Do you know how fisherman make a living? On their net income. | (0) |
| Fishing, Money | 2/15/2025 |
| How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes 28 visits. | (0) |
| Chiropractors | 2/15/2025 |
| How does a crazy man get out of the forest? He takes the psycho path. | (0) |
| Psychopaths | 2/15/2025 |
| What do you call a boat shaking at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck! | (0) |
| Boats | 2/15/2025 |
| How did the accountant propose to his girlfriend? With an engagement letter! | (0) |
| Accountants, Relationships | 2/15/2025 |
| Last year, I joined a support group for anti-social people. We haven’t met yet. | (0) |
| People, Social | 2/7/2025 |
| If I heard the coin sound from Mario every time I got a task done, I’d probably do more. | (0) |
| Mario, Work | 2/7/2025 |
| Why do programmers prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs. | (0) |
| Bugs, Programming | 2/7/2025 |
| I don’t always go the extra mile, but when I do, it’s usually because I missed my exit. | (0) |
| Driving | 2/7/2025 |
| My wife was fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun. | (0) |
| Food, Hot dogs | 2/7/2025 |
| When you are feeling powerless just remember, a single one of your turds can shut down an entire water park. | (0) |
| Poop, Water parks | 2/7/2025 |
| My boss said he doesn’t pay me to have an attitude at work. I assured him that mine comes for free! | (0) |
| Attitude, Work | 2/7/2025 |
| They say to do what you love and the money will follow. I ate a whole pizza, took a nap, and watched some Netflix. Now we wait. | (0) |
| Laziness | 2/7/2025 |
| Remember when we waited until after 9:00 pm to use unlimited minutes to talk to everyone? Now we have it all the time and nobody uses it for talking. | (0) |
| Phones | 2/7/2025 |
| How many skunks does it take to make you pass out from the stench? Just a phew. | (0) |
| Skunks | 2/7/2025 |
| Remember when you couldn’t wake up for school but you were up at 6:00 am getting ready for cartoons? | (0) |
| Cartoons, Children, Sleep | 2/7/2025 |
| Saw a man standing on one leg at an ATM. Apparently he was just checking his balance. | (0) |
| Balance, Money | 2/7/2025 |
| I hate spelling errors. You mix up two letters, and your whole day is urined. | (0) |
| Spelling | 2/7/2025 |
| I told the waitress my steak was bad. She picked it up, slapped it, put it down and said, “Let me know if it gives you anymore trouble.” | (0) |
| Restaurants | 2/7/2025 |
| My friend asks me why I always say yes to everything. My response: “I don’t no.” | (0) |
| Yes man | 2/7/2025 |
| What’s the point of a pyramid? It’s spot at the very top. | (0) |
| Pyramids | 2/7/2025 |
| I just saw an ad for a wireless bra and I gotta be honest, all this time I didn’t know they needed to be plugged in. | (0) |
| Bras | 2/7/2025 |
| What does Lassie like to bake with? Collie flour. | (0) |
| Animals, Cooking, Dogs | 2/7/2025 |
| I just learned that Albert Einstein was an actual physicist. All this time I just thought he was theoretical. | (0) |
| Einstein | 2/7/2025 |
| Why don’t fish graduate from school? Because they are all below C level. | (0) |
| Animals, Fish, School | 2/7/2025 |
| Girl math involves figuring out which day to wash your hair so it lines up with your plans. | (0) |
| Girls, Hair | 2/7/2025 |
| Right now, I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time…I think I’ve forgotten this before. | (0) |
| Amnesia, Deja vu | 2/7/2025 |
| Ever heard of déjà poo? It’s the feeling that you’ve heard this crap before. | (0) |
| Deja vu | 2/7/2025 |
| I’m so excited - Ingot a raise today! It was in medication dosage, but a win is a win. | (0) |
| Medication | 2/7/2025 |
| Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time, too. | (0) |
| Einstein | 2/7/2025 |
| I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside. | (0) |
| Colors | 2/7/2025 |
| What do you call a woodchuck with no teeth? A won’t chuck. | (0) |
| Animals, Woodchucks | 2/7/2025 |
| What did Elvis say when he got rid of his rodent? You ain’t nothing but a groundhog. | (0) |
| Animals, Elvis, Groundhogs | 2/7/2025 |
| What do you call a pig in a blender? A ground hog! | (0) |
| Animals, Hogs, Pigs | 2/7/2025 |
| There’s a gene that causes me to be fat. He works at the McDonald’s down the street. | (0) |
| McDonald’s, Restaurants | 2/7/2025 |
| If tomato really is a fruit, why do we Italians have such a problem with pineapple on pizza? | (0) |
| Fruit, Pizza | 2/7/2025 |
| If Jesus led a soccer camp, what would we call him? The Goalie Host. | (0) |
| Jesus, Soccer | 2/7/2025 |
| Keep your marriage fresh by writing each other love notes like "I considered smothering you with a pillow last night but didn't." | (0) |
| Relationships | 2/7/2025 |
| Sometimes there is just not enough coffee or middle fingers to make it through the day. | (0) |
| Stress, Work | 2/7/2025 |
| I went shopping today at Home Depot for a bucket, but they all looked the same. It was a pale comparison. | (0) |
| Buckets | 2/7/2025 |
| What part of a mole is the sweetest? The molasses. | (0) |
| Moles | 2/7/2025 |
| My login says my new password is too insecure. Well, maybe if it wasn’t held to such high standards, it would be more confident. | (0) |
| Passwords | 2/7/2025 |
| Do you know what happened when the crazy librarian threw a bunch of books in the ocean? It caused a title wave. | (0) |
| Books, Ocean | 2/7/2025 |
| Who is the highest ranking officer at Best Buy? Major appliance. | (0) |
| Appliances, Best Buy | 2/7/2025 |
| Why don’t vampires go after vegans? They prefer blood, not V8. | (0) |
| Vampires, Vegans | 2/7/2025 |
| I’ve decided to start smoking. Hot turkey. | (0) |
| Smoking, Turkey | 2/7/2025 |
| My wife shot me with a nail gun today. I guess when she called me a stud, she didn’t mean it as a compliment. | (0) |
| Relationships, Studs | 2/7/2025 |
| One day my deaf wife started yelling at me for no reason, so I just switched off the lights. | (0) |
| Deaf, Relationships | 2/7/2025 |
| Why shouldn’t you use GPS to navigate to a cemetery? Because it might call it your final destination. | (0) |
| Cemeteries, GPS | 2/7/2025 |
| Sweet dreams are made of cheese, who am I to diss a Brie. I cheddar the world and feta cheese. Everybody’s looking for stilton. | (0) |
| Cheese, Food | 2/7/2025 |
| It isn’t until you take a walk with a dog that you realize how much of the world is edible. | (0) |
| Animals, Dogs, Food | 2/7/2025 |
| It’s not the minutes you spend eating dinner that make you fat, it’s the seconds. | (0) |
| Eating | 2/7/2025 |
| Apple had a close call a couple years ago when they released their biggest tablet. They almost called it the Max iPad. | (0) |
| Apple | 2/7/2025 |
| Denmark and Sweden haven’t had a war since Lego and IKEA were started. Now it just takes too long to assemble an army. | (0) |
| IKEA, Legos | 2/7/2025 |
| My son turns two tomorrow, but because money is tight, we’re just not going to tell him. | (0) |
| Birthdays, Children | 2/7/2025 |
| What do you call a funeral full of stoners? A wake and bake. | (0) |
| Funerals, Stoners | 2/7/2025 |
| Do you remember Norton, the antivirus fugitive? People thought he was dead, but he’s just running in the background. | (0) |
| Cimputers, Norton | 2/7/2025 |
| A guy wanted to impress his date at a fancy restaurant, so he ordered in French. The waiter was confused because it was an Italian restaurant. | (0) |
| Restaurants | 2/7/2025 |
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