WORLD CLASS DAD JOKES
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| Joke | Likes |
|---|---|
| Tags | Date  |
| What is a skeleton‘s favorite type of road? A dead end. |   (0) |
| Skeletons | 10/27/2025 |
| What do you call a dealer that sleeps with a kilo of cocaine under his pillow? A drug snuggler. | (0) |
| Drugs | 10/27/2025 |
| What do you call an all-female orchestra that only performs online? A broadband. | (0) |
| Internet, Music, Women | 10/27/2025 |
| A raven has 17 pinion primary wing feathers while a crow has only 16. So the difference in a raven and a crow is only a matter of a pinion. | (0) |
| Birds, Crows, Ravens | 10/27/2025 |
| What do you call someone who can’t stick to a diet? A desserter. | (0) |
| Diets, Food | 10/27/2025 |
| My wife asked me if I heard about all the striking Starbucks workers. I told her, “That’s weird. All I’ve ever seen is ugly ones.” | (0) |
| Beauty, Starbucks, Work | 10/27/2025 |
| How do you know if a job applicant is Christian? Check out their cross-references. | (0) |
| Christians | 10/27/2025 |
| My favorite part of a drug commercial is when it tells me not to take it if I’m allergic to it. | (0) |
| Allergies, Drugs | 10/27/2025 |
| On Halloween, we dress up as skeletons. Every other day, our skeletons dress up as us. | (0) |
| Halloween, Skeletons | 10/27/2025 |
| If you run into someone you know and they say “We should hang out sometime,” just say “I’m ready to hang out right now” and watch them panic. | (0) |
| Friends | 10/27/2025 |
| If you’re like me, you make grilled cheese by burning one side and nervously under cooking the other side. | (0) |
| Food, Grilled cheese | 10/27/2025 |
| Have you ever heard of in-cider trading? It’s where you buy and sell stocks while sitting in a tub full of apple juice. | (0) |
| Juice, Stocks | 10/27/2025 |
| If you think it’s weird when people have two dads, just remember that all of America had four fathers. | (0) |
| Family, Parents | 10/27/2025 |
| I knew a guy who was arrested for stealing hay. His bail was set really high. | (0) |
| Criminals, Hay | 10/27/2025 |
| Nothing is really lost until your wife can’t find it. | (0) |
| Relationships | 10/27/2025 |
| My wife left me home alone with the kids to go out with friends. I didn’t whine and complain, I just played Tubthumping on repeat on the bar jukebox with the TouchTunes app. | (0) |
| Music, Relationships | 10/27/2025 |
| I am met a beautiful woman last night and really felt a spark between us. Turns out it was just the taser. | (0) |
| Relationships | 10/27/2025 |
| Some angry guy with road rage just yelled out his window “I’m gonna make your life a living hell!” I yelled back “I’m not looking for a relationship right now.” | (0) |
| Relationships | 10/27/2025 |
| Getting a job in a paperless office is great…until you have to go to the bathroom. | (0) |
| Paper, Work | 10/27/2025 |
| Things I don’t understand: why drive-up ATMs have braille instructions. | (0) |
| Braille, Cars | 10/27/2025 |
| Every time I get the urge to clean, I watch an episode of Hoarders and tell myself my house isn’t dirty at all. | (0) |
| Cleaning | 10/27/2025 |
| What happens when your dog eats your favorite piece of jewelry? You get a diamond in the ruff. | (0) |
| Animals, Dogs, Jewelry | 10/27/2025 |
| My nephew was too timid to Google the word “testicle” on his school computer. So I told him to use private mode. | (0) |
| Anatomy, Internet | 10/27/2025 |
| What kind of lullaby do you sing to a baby astronaut? A nap tune. | (0) |
| Lullabies, Planets | 10/27/2025 |
| If you donate a kidney, you're a hero. If you donate three kidneys, suddenly the police are involved. | (0) |
| Crime, Kidneys | 10/27/2025 |
| My girlfriend said if we don’t get married soon, she’s gonna kill me. It’s a wife or death situation. | (0) |
| Relationships | 10/27/2025 |
| Anyone who says “Actions speak louder than words” has clearly never tried sign language before. | (0) |
| Sign language | 10/27/2025 |
| If someone from Ziploc could contact literally anyone in the cereal business, that would be great. | (0) |
| Bags, Cereal | 10/27/2025 |
| Don’t play poker at the laundromat. You’ll always end up folding. | (0) |
| Laundry, Poker | 10/27/2025 |
| In IT, my job is mostly fixing problems I didn’t cause, with resources I don’t have, for people who make twice as much as I do. | (0) |
| Technology, Work | 10/27/2025 |
| My dad said to be successful, I should step out of my comfort zone. So I turned the thermostat up to 75°. | (0) |
| Comfort | 10/27/2025 |
| Do you know why so many people flunk out of magician school? Because of all the trick questions. | (0) |
| Magic | 10/27/2025 |
| My wife said we need to cut back on our vacation spending, so I went on vacation without her and saved 50%. | (0) |
| Money, Relationships | 10/27/2025 |
| What do they call the vampire costume on Temu? Discount Dracula. | (0) |
| Vampires | 10/27/2025 |
| You might be surprised to know that I studied dad jokes in college. I majored in Sigh-cology. | (0) |
| College | 10/27/2025 |
| My intern was born in 2007. I have emails older than that. | (0) |
| Age, Work | 10/27/2025 |
| How do you spot Cruella Deville at a science convention? She’s the one in the lab coat. | (0) |
| Animals, Dogs | 10/27/2025 |
| What do you call a zombie with no sense of humor? Dead serious. | (0) |
| Zombies | 10/27/2025 |
| When my kids are older and I go over to their house, right before I leave, I’m going to get out the toaster and the blender and leave them out as my form of payback. | (0) |
| Children | 10/27/2025 |
| My wife said my snoring is really starting to scare her. Especially when I’m driving. | (0) |
| Driving, Snoring | 10/27/2025 |
| Why is it so hard to rob a blood bank? Because you always get caught red-handed. | (0) |
| Blood | 10/27/2025 |
| Since people only kill the spiders we see, we’re acting as agents of natural selection. We are making spiders smarter. | (0) |
| Animals, Spiders | 10/27/2025 |
| I always have a clean conscience. Probably because I haven’t used it yet. | (0) |
| Concscience | 10/27/2025 |
| My friend always carries around a big box of pencils with him. I think he just likes to draw attention. | (0) |
| Pencils | 10/27/2025 |
| What do you call a witch who has mastered all of her spells? A hexpert. | (0) |
| Witches | 10/27/2025 |
| You know what’s a real eye-opener? Waking up every morning to a window facing east. | (0) |
| Eyes, Sleep | 10/27/2025 |
| My IT friend tried to flirt with a waitress and failed miserably. I guess it wasn’t the first time he couldn’t connect to a server. | (0) |
| IT, Relationships, Work | 10/27/2025 |
| Every true sports parent has whispered “Please rain” at least once. | (0) |
| Children, Sports | 10/27/2025 |
| No man has ever won a game of “Notice anything different about me?” | (0) |
| Relationships | 10/27/2025 |
| What’s a zombie’s favorite dish? Soul food. | (0) |
| Food, Zombies | 10/27/2025 |
| Just because I’m smiling doesn’t mean I like you…I might just be picturing you sitting on a cactus. | (0) |
| Friends | 9/27/2025 |
| What’s the best gag gift to put in a Christmas stocking? An artificial foot! | (0) |
| Christmas, Feet, Gifts | 9/27/2025 |
| Of course I’m an organ donor. Who wouldn’t want a piece of this?!? | (0) |
| Organ donors | 9/27/2025 |
| What’s the best way to bring back a lot of memories? Tape some Polaroids to a boomerang. | (0) |
| Boomerangs, Memories | 9/27/2025 |
| I saw someone kick a pregnant woman yesterday. Poor guy must be really cramped in that womb. | (0) |
| Babies | 9/27/2025 |
| Home Depot should allow men over 40 to have birthday parties in their store. | (0) |
| Aging, Birthdays | 9/27/2025 |
| The success of your marriage rests entirely on your ability to know which of your wife's clothes you're allowed to put in the dryer. | (0) |
| Relationships | 9/27/2025 |
| Whoever said “There’s no such thing as a dumb question has clearly never been in a sports parent group chat.” | (0) |
| Parenting | 9/27/2025 |
| When someone says “Think outside the box,” half of y’all need to light the box on fire and just use some common sense. | (0) |
| Creativity, Intelligence | 9/27/2025 |
| Tip for newlyweds: send an invitation to every billionaire’s address you can find because there’s a 50-50 chance their assistants will send you an obligatory gift without even knowing who you are. | (0) |
| Gifts, Weddings | 9/27/2025 |
| Two hitmen are walking through the forest and one says “I’m kind of scared.” The other one says “You think you’re scared? I have to walk back alone!” | (0) |
| Forest, Hitmen | 9/27/2025 |
| What do trees say to their children when they’re being annoying? “Leave me alone!” | (0) |
| Children, Trees | 9/27/2025 |
| When you live in Maui, what’s the first thing they teach you in karate class? Hawaiian punch. | (0) |
| Hawaii, Karate | 9/27/2025 |
| Once I started spending my own money, I realized that my mom was right. We do have food at home. | (0) |
| Food, Money | 9/27/2025 |
| Research shows that starting your day with an early morning run is the best way to make sure it can’t get any worse. | (0) |
| Exercise, Running | 9/27/2025 |
| If your feet smell, and your nose is running, you might be upside down. | (0) |
| Feet, Nose, Running | 9/27/2025 |
| I told my daughter the difference between transparent and translucent. She said “Thanks for the clear explanation.” | (0) |
| Definitions | 9/27/2025 |
| If you say something is unremarkable, then remark on it, that makes you a dirty liar. | (0) |
| Comments | 9/27/2025 |
| Happiness at age 35 is realizing that the next load of laundry is just seven bath towels and not 49 pieces of tiny human clothes. | (0) |
| Laundry, Parenting | 9/27/2025 |
| Say what you will about 90s, but you couldn't have someone deliver your family three cold hamburgers for only $68.90 back then. | (0) |
| Generations | 9/27/2025 |
| A blonde was showering and yelled to her husband “Can you please bring me a different shampoo? This one says it’s for dry hair and mine is all wet.” | (0) |
| Blondes, Shampoo | 9/27/2025 |
| Dating apps are basically the clearance rack of single people. | (0) |
| Relationships | 9/27/2025 |
| I may look happy but honestly, deep down I wish I had $9,000 to blow on Halloween decorations. | (0) |
| Halloween | 9/27/2025 |
| When the devil whispers “You’re not strong enough to withstand the storm,” whisper back “At least I didn’t lose my golden fiddle to some hillbilly in Georgia.” | (0) |
| Devils | 9/27/2025 |
| Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it’s probably crap. | (0) |
| Farts, Relationships | 9/27/2025 |
| My niece London tripped when we were moving her appliances. Now London’s fridge is falling down! | (0) |
| Appliances | 9/27/2025 |
| Every group chat spawns a second smaller group chat without the annoying people, and if you think yours doesn’t, I have some bad news. | (0) |
| Friends | 9/27/2025 |
| Never sneeze with a sleeping cat in your lap. Just trust me. | (0) |
| Animals, Cats | 9/27/2025 |
| Stop buying plastic skeletons for Halloween - it’s terrible for the environment. Locally sourced, all-natural skeletons are much more environmentally friendly. | (0) |
| Halloween, Skeletons | 9/27/2025 |
| A good way to prepare for parenting is to talk to rocks because children have similiar listening habits. | (0) |
| Children, Parenting, Rocks | 9/27/2025 |
| The irony of training with squats is that the goal is to be able to get off the toilet when you’re old, but the day after doing squats you’re too sore to get off the toilet. | (0) |
| Exercise | 9/27/2025 |
| What happens when you put Nutella on salmon? You get salmonella. | (0) |
| Food | 9/27/2025 |
| Why don’t dwarves make for good bosses? They are all micro managers. | (0) |
| Dwarves | 9/27/2025 |
| A king and a queen walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, you’re not 21.” | (0) |
| Bars, Blackjack, Kings, Queens | 9/27/2025 |
| My wife has terrible headaches whenever I cook with wheat, barley, or rice. Apparently, she suffers from my grains. | (0) |
| Cooking | 9/27/2025 |
| My biggest fear of self-driving cars is that if I die on the way to work, the car would still drive me there. | (0) |
| AI, Cars, Work | 9/27/2025 |
| A chicken and an egg crossed the road, walked into a bar, and changed the lightbulb. No one has any idea how or why. | (0) |
| Bars, Chickens, Lightbulbs | 9/27/2025 |
| Why don’t any of the stores at the airport have bathrooms inside? Because they are all duty free. | (0) |
| Airports, Bathrooms | 9/27/2025 |
| Some people exercise every day. I'm watching a show I don't like because the remote fell on the floor. | (0) |
| Exercise, Laziness | 9/27/2025 |
| Being an entrepreneur is basically just having the best day of your life...and worst day of your life. Every other 5 minutes. | (0) |
| Business | 9/14/2025 |
| I miss a lot of turns because my GPS assumes I know what 600 feet looks like. | (0) |
| Driving, GPS | 9/14/2025 |
| Cleaning the house while your children are at home is like brushing your teeth while eating an Oreo. | (2) |
| Children, Cleaning | 9/14/2025 |
| My friend asked if he could sue his employer because the company stopped providing free coffee. I told him that he had insufficient grounds. | (0) |
| Coffee, Work | 9/14/2025 |
| When I’m not feeling very smart, I just remember this: one time a woman took a sign to a Stevie Wonder concert that said “I love you Stevie!” | (0) |
| Stupidity | 9/14/2025 |
| Do you know what the background cast on E.T. was called? Terrestrial extras. | (0) |
| Movies | 9/14/2025 |
| Pumpkin everything season is here. And by "pumpkin" I mean sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg and more sugar. Have you ever smelled an inside of a pumpkin? It smells like an old sweaty cast. You don't like pumpkin, you like a cinnamon toast crunch latte. | (0) |
| Pumpkin | 9/14/2025 |
| What do a couple of hip physicians do before sailing? The pair of docs review a pair of docs wearing a pair of docs on a pair of docks. | (0) |
| Doctors | 9/14/2025 |
| Why did Aladdin get banned from the Olympics? Because he was using performance enhancing rugs. | (0) |
| Olympics | 9/14/2025 |
| Did you hear about the fabulous new product Apple made just for pirates? It’s called the iEye patch. | (0) |
| Pirates | 9/14/2025 |
| My wife is a twin and all my friends ask how I can tell them apart. I said, “That’s easy. Allison paints her nails red, and Bob has a beard.” | (0) |
| Twins | 9/14/2025 |
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