WORLD CLASS DAD JOKES
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| Joke | Likes |
|---|---|
| Tags | Date  |
| I was cleaning the kitchen but i saw the laundry so i watered the plants and made a dentist appointment. |   (1) |
| Chores, Distractions | 2/14/2026 |
| Being mad at Bad Bunny for singing in Spanish at the Super Bowl while eating chips, salsa, queso, guac, and drinking tequila is wild. | (0) |
| Food, Super Bowl | 2/14/2026 |
| I miss Elementary school back when 20-30 people were forced to give me Valentines. | (1) |
| Valentines | 2/14/2026 |
| I’ve never tried yoga but I have tried bending over to pick up my car keys, so I’m pretty sure I’d hate yoga. | (1) |
| Yoga | 2/14/2026 |
| The guy that made the “Congratulations, you stood up” alert on my Apple Watch probably has more participation trophies than he can count. | (0) |
| Trophies | 2/14/2026 |
| I was once married to a girl who worked at IKEA. But our relationship fell apart after only six months. | (0) |
| IKEA, Relationships | 2/14/2026 |
| I don’t get why they say marriage is so hard. I’ve successfully finished two of them. | (0) |
| Relationships | 2/14/2026 |
| My husband and I just celebrated our 20-year anniversary. Now he’s telling everyone he has a 20-year-old wife. | (0) |
| Relationships | 2/14/2026 |
| I’m just waiting for someone to invent protein wine so my fitness journey can really take off. | (0) |
| Alcohol, Fitness | 2/14/2026 |
| I think we lost America right around the time people stopped smoking Marlboro reds, and started vaping strawberry cheesecake. | (0) |
| Smoking | 2/14/2026 |
| Don’t worry about not having a valentine on Valentine’s Day. You probably didn’t have a groundhog on Groundhog Day either. | (0) |
| Holidays | 2/14/2026 |
| The fact that I have more clothes to sleep in than go out in, says a lot about me as a person. | (0) |
| Clothes | 2/14/2026 |
| When I was little, I never took my teddy bear to the gym. He was afraid of getting ripped. | (0) |
| Gyms, Teddy bears | 2/14/2026 |
| I like watching the Olympics and guessing how far into each event I would make it before I died. | (0) |
| Olympics | 2/14/2026 |
| I decided I’m going to start a diary full of lies. That way my family will read it after I’m gone and be like “WTF?!?!?” | (0) |
| Diaries, Drama | 2/14/2026 |
| I finally figured out why younger generations only use lowercase letters for everything. They are protesting against capitalism. | (0) |
| Capitalism | 2/14/2026 |
| The inventor of the knife showed it to a friend who said “Wow, that’s the best thing since bread!” The inventor replied “Funny you should mention that…” | (0) |
| Bread, Inventions, Knives | 2/14/2026 |
| When the inventor of the Jack-in-the-box died, there were a lot of anxious people at his funeral staring at his casket. | (1) |
| Funerals | 2/14/2026 |
| I told my daughter I got her a dramatic book for her birthday. She said “But it’s a book about Rubik‘s cubes?” I said “I know, lots of twists and turns.” | (0) |
| Books, Rubik’s cube | 2/14/2026 |
| Pro tip: save the business cards of the people you don’t like. If you ever hit a parked car accidentally, just write “Sorry” on the back and leave it on the windshield. | (0) |
| Cards, People | 2/14/2026 |
| I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being just as surprised as everybody else at the stuff that comes out of my mouth. | (0) |
| Speaking | 2/14/2026 |
| For dating couples, it’s Valentine’s Day. For parents, it’s Saturday. And someone has a game. | (0) |
| Children, Valentine’s Day | 2/14/2026 |
| What doesn’t kill you may make you stronger, but it also gives you a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a dark sense of humor. | (0) |
| Strength | 2/14/2026 |
| My three kids each get 30 minutes a day of tablet time. But yesterday they figured out if they can agree on what to do it turns into 90 minutes. So I either have to create distrust among them or accept the fact that they have unionized. | (0) |
| Parenting, Technology | 2/14/2026 |
| You know what is ironic about Pickleball compared to tennis? It’s a lot louder, but there’s no racket. | (0) |
| Pickleball, Tennis | 2/14/2026 |
| Do you know how archery was invented? Someone said “I want to stab a guy waaaaaaay over there.” | (0) |
| Archery | 2/14/2026 |
| Sometimes I like going to work because there’s less work for me there than at home. | (0) |
| Work | 2/14/2026 |
| You know what degree is totally useless? 33°. It can’t quite freeze anything but it’s still cold. | (0) |
| College, Temperature | 2/14/2026 |
| What should you do if you see a boat that’s up to no good? Re-port it. | (0) |
| Boats | 2/14/2026 |
| Charles Darwin was such an interesting character. His theories were always evolving. | (0) |
| Darwin, Evolution | 2/14/2026 |
| What kind of car would Charles Darwin drive if he was alive today? An e-Volvo. | (0) |
| Cars, Darwin | 2/14/2026 |
| When I’m bored, I like to call in sick places I don’t work for. Today I’m getting written up at the Olive Garden! | (0) |
| Work | 2/14/2026 |
| My mama raised a complainer, not a quitter. I’ll get it done, but you’re gonna hear about it. | (0) |
| Children | 2/14/2026 |
| Please pray for my wife. She was stung by a bee on the forehead. She's in the hospital now, her face is all swollen and bruised, and we almost lost her. Luckily, I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel. | (0) |
| Bees, Relationships | 2/14/2026 |
| Can you imagine how fast curling athletes must vacuum their houses? | (0) |
| Curling, Olympics, Vacuuming | 2/14/2026 |
| Winter Olympic sports just seemed like a bunch of dares that escalated over time. | (0) |
| Dares, Olympics | 2/14/2026 |
| Not to be politically unaware, but did you know that Fox News has absolutely no news about foxes? | (0) |
| Animals, Foxes, News | 2/14/2026 |
| The Department of Education believes that every student counts. They just don’t seem to care if they don’t count very well. | (0) |
| Education, Math | 2/14/2026 |
| My husband giving directions to our kid’s game are like: “Head north.” Me: “Listen here Christopher Columbus, do I turn by Starbucks or head toward Target?” | (0) |
| Directions | 2/14/2026 |
| It’s true. That exercise helps with decision-making. I went for a run this morning, and then decided never to do that again. | (0) |
| Decisions, Exercise | 2/14/2026 |
| What do Eskimos use to keep blocks of ice together? They use igloo. | (0) |
| Eskimos, Igloos | 2/14/2026 |
| My friend has been promising to teach me how to fly a kite. Turns out he has just been stringing me along. | (0) |
| Kites | 2/14/2026 |
| My wife told me she wanted a divorce for Valentine’s Day. I said I wasn’t planning on spending that much. | (0) |
| Relationships, Valentine’s Day | 2/14/2026 |
| My wife sat me down and told me how important Valentine’s Day is to her. She must have something awesome planned for us! | (0) |
| Relationships, Valentine’s Day | 2/14/2026 |
| The place down the street is selling heart-shaped pizzas on Valentine’s Day. Honestly, I find that kind of cheesy. | (0) |
| Pizza, Valentine’s Day | 2/14/2026 |
| I got my wife a matching belt and bags for Valentine’s Day. She should have that vacuum up and running in no time. | (0) |
| Vacuums, Valentine’s Day | 2/14/2026 |
| Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people should not be allowed to talk. | (0) |
| Talking | 2/14/2026 |
| What type of music are birthday balloons terrified of? Pop. | (0) |
| Balloons, Birthdays, Music | 2/14/2026 |
| Someone told me I should talk to at least 15 people a day - friends, family, everyone. If 15 people tried to talk to me in one day, I’d launch my phone straight into the ocean. | (0) |
| People | 2/14/2026 |
| It’s wild how grocery shopping is the easiest way to get food and human history, but I still hate it with all of my soul. | (0) |
| Food, Shopping | 2/14/2026 |
| Friendly winter tip: it’s probably not a good idea to make snow angels at a dog park. | (0) |
| Dogs, Snow | 2/14/2026 |
| I told my wife, “ I’m sorry I pressed all your buttons. I was just looking for mute.” And that’s how the fight got ugly. | (0) |
| Relationships | 2/14/2026 |
| Dance like no one is watching, but write emails like they will one day be included in a three-million page document release. | (0) |
| Email, Work | 2/14/2026 |
| What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor. What if you drop it on an army base? You get a flat major. | (0) |
| Pianos | 2/14/2026 |
| Which reindeer has the most flexible job outside of Christmas? Door Dasher. | (0) |
| Food, Reindeer | 2/14/2026 |
| Whatever you do today, do it with the confidence of a four-year-old in a Batman T-shirt. | (0) |
| Batman, Confidence | 2/14/2026 |
| What do you call a blacksmith that smashes five nickels together? A quarter pounder. | (0) |
| Coins | 2/14/2026 |
| Choose a major you love, and you’ll never work a day in your life. Probably because that field isn’t hiring. | (0) |
| College, Work | 2/14/2026 |
| Most Super Bowl ads: “the country is so divided.” Reece’s: “we’ve been uniting peanut butter and chocolate for like 100 years…” | (0) |
| Ads, Candy | 2/14/2026 |
| Where is the best place to fold under pressure? The Origami National Championships. | (0) |
| Origami | 2/14/2026 |
| Anyone else relate way too much to Dory from finding Nemo? Just wandering around, talking to myself, and forgetting what I’m doing, and hoping for the best. | (0) |
| Adulting | 2/14/2026 |
| I’m not saying I’m the glue that holds my family together, but I am the only one who knows where the glue is. | (0) |
| Family | 2/14/2026 |
| Apparently, the sun will burn out in about 5 billion years, which means the road construction in Texas will have to be finished in the dark. | (0) |
| Construction, Light, Sun | 2/14/2026 |
| Every time a bird poops on my car, I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my patio, just to show them what I’m capable of. | (0) |
| Birds | 2/14/2026 |
| I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I get a life, I will be alerted immediately! | (0) |
| Life | 2/14/2026 |
| The most important part of the Super Bowl are the commercials in the food. I really don’t care about who makes the most baskets. | (0) |
| Super Bowl | 2/14/2026 |
| In college, it seems like everybody is smarter than you. Except for the other three people in your group project. | (0) |
| College, Teamwork | 2/14/2026 |
| Isn’t it wild that the most effective way to save a PDF is to lie to your computer into thinking you’re going to print it? | (0) |
| Computers, Printers | 2/14/2026 |
| I accept cash apologies only. That’s why it’s called accountability. Because it goes into my account. | (0) |
| Apologies, Cash | 2/14/2026 |
| What do a thong and barbwire fence have in common? They both protect the property without obstructing the view. | (0) |
| Fences, Thongs | 2/14/2026 |
| Before you get married, make your future spouse use a computer with slow internet. That way you’ll find out who they really are. | (0) |
| Internet | 2/14/2026 |
| You know why we will never see the Super Bowl LIVE? Because E is not a Roman numeral. | (0) |
| Numbers, Super Bowl | 2/14/2026 |
| Where is the best place to watch the Cowboys in the Super Bowl? On the history channel. | (0) |
| Cowboys, Super Bowl | 2/14/2026 |
| What do the Lions and Browns do after playing in the Super Bowl? Turn off the Xbox. | (0) |
| Browns, Lions, Super Bowl | 2/14/2026 |
| Why did the Broncos wear white jerseys in Super Bowl 50? Because it’s hard to catch a white bronco in California. | (0) |
| Broncos, Super Bowl | 2/14/2026 |
| My idea of a Super Bowl is a toilet that cleans itself after my husband eats Taco Bell! | (0) |
| Super Bowl, Tacos, Toilets | 2/14/2026 |
| If you aren’t enjoying a parade, run quickly in the opposite direction to speed it up. | (0) |
| Parades | 2/14/2026 |
| People who say “no pun intended” are cowards! Intend your puns people! | (0) |
| Puns | 2/14/2026 |
| That moment when the steak is on the grill and you can feel your mouth watering, is that the same feeling that vegans get when mowing the lawn? | (0) |
| Vegans | 2/14/2026 |
| If I wanted to enter my dog in a fancy dog show, I would enter a pitbull. Because it would literally scare the crap out of all the other dogs and immediately disqualify them. | (0) |
| Dogs | 2/14/2026 |
| Not sure we need two-factor authentication for the Jersey Mike’s app. I think we can play that one a little loose. | (0) |
| Apps, Passwords, Restaurants | 2/14/2026 |
| I’m humble enough to know that i am replaceable at work. But I’m confident enough to know that it would take four people. | (0) |
| Work | 2/14/2026 |
| Winter Olympics are so crazy. Everyone’s got knives on their feet or they’re hurling themselves right off of a mountain. And then there’s curling. | (0) |
| Olympics | 2/14/2026 |
| Kids nowadays do whatever they want. Growing up I couldn't even open two different kinds of cereal at once. | (0) |
| Cereal, Children | 2/14/2026 |
| My doctor told me to take two tablets today. That’s why I got arrested at the Apple Store. | (0) |
| Apple, Medicine | 2/14/2026 |
| I saw a bumper sticker that said, “Beware of the idiot behind me.” So I followed him for three blocks before I realized he’s right. | (1) |
| Stupidity | 1/31/2026 |
| It occurred to me today that maybe when the computer asks me if I’m a robot, maybe it’s just looking for its family. | (0) |
| Computers, Robots | 1/31/2026 |
| My friend asked me if a mushroom was poisonous. Here’s what you need to know about mushrooms: all of them are edible, but some of them are only edible once. | (0) |
| Mushrooms | 1/31/2026 |
| People with ADHD: “I am not interrupting you because I’m rude, I’m interrupting you because brain is running on fiber optic and you’re speaking in dial-up.” | (0) |
| ADHD, Thinking | 1/31/2026 |
| They say machines of the future will be as smart as people. But they never said which people, which I think makes a huge difference. | (1) |
| Intelligence, Robots | 1/31/2026 |
| Do you know why the camera adds 15 pounds? Because you’re not supposed to hold it while they’re taking your picture. | (0) |
| Pictures | 1/31/2026 |
| When I was younger, I felt like I was a man trapped inside a woman’s body. But then I was born. | (0) |
| Birth | 1/31/2026 |
| What do you call a web browser with only one tab open? Chrome alone. | (0) |
| Browsers | 1/31/2026 |
| What kind of nails do carpenters take to hammer? Fingernails. | (0) |
| Carpenters | 1/31/2026 |
| My friend is so paranoid that he started wearing a tinfoil hat. I don’t know what he’s thinking anymore. | (0) |
| Hats, Paranoia | 1/31/2026 |
| I saw a guy with a hat that said “DON’T BOTHER ME”, so I asked him how much it was and where he got it from. | (1) |
| Hats | 1/31/2026 |
| The invention of the air compressor was revolutionary. Before that, all the tires were flat in the wheels couldn’t turn. | (0) |
| Air, Tires | 1/31/2026 |
| I sent that an ancestry website some information on my family tree. They wrote back and suggested I start over. | (0) |
| Families | 1/31/2026 |
| Due to freezing temperatures, schools are advising parents to wear two pairs of pajamas when picking up their children. | (0) |
| Fashion, School | 1/31/2026 |
| They say kids learn by watching you, yet I’ve never run across the backyard naked while holding a popsicle sideways and yelling at a squirrel. | (0) |
| Children | 1/31/2026 |
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